Posted by Roger Beckett
At one time, it was requested that we add “and Protector of Mexico” to our Imperial Title, a sobriquet intended to show our close tie with our neighbors to the south. Shortly after the request was made, there was widespread civil unrest in that country and the name was deemed innacurate, due to the difficulty in protecting a nation so unsettled.
After recent elections and the increasing protests that have followed, We have had much to think on where Mexico is concerned. Perhaps now is the time to extend our protection and render such aid as will help stabilize the region, rather than let ourselves be dissuaded by this setback to their progress.
However, requests to add “and Protector of Canada” will not be considered. Our northern friends have long enjoyed the protection of the Queen of England, and as Her Majesty is a longtime friend and confidante of our monarchy, such a declaration would presume too much upon our friendship. Also, the Imperial stationery is insufficiently sized to adequately withstand such an addition.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Fourth day of August, 2006
Posted by Roger Beckett
While there is yet some debate about the state of affairs concerning the guidelines for wages in our United States, We shall endeavor to clarify and codify, for one and for all, the requirements that shall be Imperial Law from this day forth.
WHEREAS, The current national minimum wage shall increase from $5.15 for every hour worked to $7.25 for the same amount of time, and said increase applies to every working person within the realm, with no deductions made for those individuals whose occupations place them in a position to receive gratuities or “tips”. Further, no employer shall lessen such a workers wage in an attempt to balance unfairly the amount of wages due to employees. However, employees receiving gratuities in the course of their occupation must declare these earnings and be levied an appropriate Imperial Tax on same;
WHEREAS this wage adjustment constitutes a 40.77% increase in earnings for those at the lowest end of the scale, ALL people gainfully employed in these United States will likewise enjoy an increased wage by precisely 40.77%. Past increases, infrequent as they have been, have allowed employers to ignore the bulk of their employees- those persons making wages above the minimum, yet hardly standard when compared to the rising cost of everything else in today’s society;
THEREFORE, all employers, public and private shall comply immediately with this, Our Decree.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Third day of August, 2006
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Posted by Roger Beckett
We are pleased and gratified no end to receive news that one American company has taken to heart our decree of July Eighteenth, in which we commanded the pursuit of such technologies as would ease the burdens placed upon our citizenry by the dependence of foreign oil. This delightfully named company, ZAP*, has taken upon itself to comply immediately with our wishes and has succeeded most excellently in delivering automobiles that do not require foreign supplies of oil to achieve locomotion. It is our sincerest wish that this company flourish in their every endeavor, the first of which is to design and deliver a personal conveyance suitable for the Emperor of the Realm.
THEREFORE, We do Decree and Declare that ZAP Industries from this day forward is official purveyor of automobiles of ingenious design to the citizens of these United States;
AND FURTHER, We do endorse them as such, and allow them to promote this Imperial Appointment by the prominent display of signage declaring, “By Appointment to Emperor Norton I”.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Second Day of August, 2006
* His Majesty is referring to ZAP (Zero Air Pollution) Industries. http://www.zapworld.com/
In earlier times, an Imperial Appointment would mean increased profits for businesses that the Emperor favored. -Ed.
Posted by Roger Beckett
While it is certainly not a very Christian thing to wish ill upon any person, it has been proven time and again that Fidel Castro, Dictator of the island of Cuba, is a scoundrel of the first water. The overwhelming proof of which has been the hardship and suffering his rule has brought upon the citizens of his country. And now that his health appears to be failing, We can only hope that the government that follows will deal with a more just and gentle hand than his has done.
We extend our every courtesy to the incoming leader of Cuba, and in the name of improved relations between our two sovereign countries, wish to invite the head of the country to our palace for suitable entertainment, pleasant repast and talks that will strengthen future bonds with our neighbor to the South.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States,
First day of August, 2006
Posted by Roger Beckett
Whereas events of late throughout the world have become intolerable, and our previous Decrees have gone unheeded, We feel the need to discuss at this time the virtues of self restraint in all things. Nearly every issue debated today can be resolved by this simple philosophy - Tend Your Own Garden. It does not matter if your neighbor attends a different church or school, or that their children dress or behave differently than your own. Settle your own affairs and do not meddle in the affairs of others. This advice must be adhered to by governments as well as individuals, in matters both great and small, to secure the well being of everyone at the cost of none.
Tend your own garden until such time as trouble comes knocking on your door. Then you may deal it a sound thrashing and return to your row of peas.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States,
Thirty-First day of July, 2006
Posted by Roger Beckett
After watching closely the events taking place in the Holy Land, We are gratified to see that an international force is being assembled to quell hostilities in the region. However, We remain firm in our own belief that a resolution can, and will, only be had through civilized discussion, and gentlemanly debate. To this end, We reiterate our Decree of the Twenty-Sixth of July.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Twenty-Eighth day of July, 2006
Posted by Roger Beckett
Upon receiving news of yet another earthquake striking the island nation of Indonesia, We are reminded of the blessings of geography bestowed upon these, Our United States. Our friends in that tumultuous country have endured many hardships of late and so, We extend every courtesy and offer such aid as is Ours to give in this time of crisis. A wonderful nation, rich in history and vibrant in its culture, the Indonesian island of Java boasts no less than three benevolent kings caring for the wellbeing of their respective subjects.
AND SO, We hereby Declare and Direct all charitable organizations, both Imperial and private to render unto the Indonesian people such aid as would alleviate the suffering therein;
FURTHERMORE, We offer the hand of friendship to the leaders of Indonesian government so that requests for assistance to our Empire be made without delay;
AND LASTLY, though certainly not least, We extend an open invitation to each of Indonesia’s Kings*, whether to meet in our Imperial Palace or their Royal Kraton, to partake of such repast befitting men of our station, and to discuss all matters mutually beneficial to our peoples.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Twenty-Seventh day of July, 2006
* His Majesty had once cultivated such a trusting relationship with the King of Hawaii, Kamehameha, that the Hawaiian leader refused to recognize the U.S. State Department, saying he would deal only with representatives of the Norton Empire. -Ed.
Posted by Roger Beckett
WHEREAS, current conditions in the Middle East cannot be permitted to continue;
WHEREAS, We have the experience* and the motivation necessary to help the disputing parties come to resolve their differences in fairness and equanimity;
WE HEREBY offer Ourself as Mediator and final Arbitor in the much needed peace talks that must take place by Monday next.
FURTHER, We do hereby Order and Decree the United States miltary force to make such arrangements as would provide for our transportation, lodging, board and appropriate security measures at said talks.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Twenty-Sixth day of July, 2006
* His Majesty once offered a similar service to President Lincoln, wishing to avoid the conflict between the States. Sadly, the President never asked the Emperor to fulfill such a role. -Ed.
Posted by Roger Beckett
WHEREAS, a body of men calling themselves the National Congress are now in session in Washington City, in violation of our Imperial edict of the 12th of October 1859, declaring the said Congress abolished;
WHEREAS, it is necessary for the repose of our Empire that the said decree should be strictly complied with;
NOW, THEREFORE, we do hereby Order and Direct the Command-in-Chief of our Armies, immediately upon receipt of this, our Decree, to proceed with a suitable force and clear the Halls of Congress.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Twenty-Fifth day of July, 2006
Posted by Roger Beckett
We, Norton I, do hereby decree that the offices of President, Vice President, and Speaker of the House of Representatives are, from and after this date, abolished.*
We further decree that the Senate of the United States elect a prominent Democrat as their presiding officer, to act as President until the next election, and to reconstruct the Cabinet according to our wishes hereafter to be declared.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States,
Twenty-Fourth day of July, 2006
* His Majesty firmly believes that the blame for a good portion of ills suffered by our country can be laid at the doorstep of the White House. The problem, in his estimation, is America’s continuation of practices begun at a time when she was “a country without a King”. -Ed.