It is a shame that decent citizens, those who have never, nor ever shall, harm another human being, are being subjected to treatment the likes of which have heretofore only been applied to common criminals. Asked to remove clothing, discard items of a personal nature, even withholding mother’s milk from infants, all due to the recent capture of airline terrorists.
The burden should not now be placed upon the shoulders of the traveling public, but rather squarely on the heads of those who would bring terror to our skies.
THEREFORE, as such circumstances are untenable, unjust, and un-American, We hereby do Decree and Declare that the appropriate authorities shall, from this day forth, exercise such measures as would protect the airline travelers, eliminate the threat from terrorism and make the flying experience once again free from fear and the humiliation of search and seizure of personal belongings.
Norton I, Emperor of the United States
Tenth day of August, 2006
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